6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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