Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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