Im at strip club and am horny
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize