singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
