I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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