Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
