Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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