Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
