I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
