he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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