In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
