You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
