Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
