i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
