So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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