When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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