What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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