So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm always down for nudity.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
