They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
