you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I think your dad took our porno
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
