Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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