its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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