I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Randomize
