Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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