dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize