Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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