yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
it glows. i had to have it.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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