I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
But theres a keg here and me gusta
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
