I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you will always have a special place in my vag
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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