I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Did I show you my penis last night?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
