Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
