I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
