Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
