i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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