I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
