I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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