You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize