Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
There r osticjed everywhere
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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