It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
i think im in europe. pls send help
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
