"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
