It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
