im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
