I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
