And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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