The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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