yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
jump out the window naked night went bad
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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