I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My vagina just recognized that song.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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