once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
