Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
