we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
