I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
