I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Pooping to opera.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
