we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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