I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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