3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
