hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
