umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
