youre lurking in front of me
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
