now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
