i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
