And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
