WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize