the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
