i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
