He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
