Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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