coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
