So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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