He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
