I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize