I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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