I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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