Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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