everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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