How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
her vagine was all disorganized.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize