didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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