just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
