My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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