I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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