We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
