tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
there is glitter all over my balls
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
