who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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