I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
