the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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