I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
