I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
