Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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