I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize