last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
