she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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