apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
