"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
