I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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