I want to walk on stilts...naked
just tell him i said nine months
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
