Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
