He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
