I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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