**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
