Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
