Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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