If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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