My hand turned me down
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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