The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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