Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
