If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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