ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
