The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
