we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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